With the changes in my CM job (and life) lately, I felt it was time to change up my blog a bit. I removed the buttons and changed those posts to pages. I changed the background and my header.
Inside I've felt that I needed to redo my headers wording from broken to healing. I'm not fully healed from Julia and Evan's pregnancies and lives and deaths, I'm going to be scarred until the day I die. And I'm ok with my scars. One day here on earth without my children is one day closer to eternity in Heaven with them. Heaven, come quickly.
I've been going to a support group that's close to home. One of my Ikea friends has her youngest son buried in the same cemetery as Evan. She introduced me to the group one day in conversation. Last November I found out that one of the heroes of the babyloss world was coming for a visit, I plucked up the courage to go. I met a group of wonderful women that are perfectly placed. I've been back a couple times and although a couple moments have been a bit awkward, I leave feeling a bit better in my soul. I was not in a place in my grief to be in a support group until now and I'm glad I went.
We aren't pregnant yet but it'll happen soon. I hope. I pray. I fantasize about getting two pink lines, first ultrasounds, telling the world that Julia is a big sister again and Evan is getting first crack at being big brother, being wheeled to the ER where Evan was born to show our new baby to the staff that delivered and revived Evan, walking out of the hospital with a living healthy baby in my arms.
Little bits and pieces are changing, I can feel it in the air. I'm hoping to get details about plan b in the morning, otherwise I'll get it tomorrow night at a meeting of sister consultants. I've missed the sisterhood.
But alas, that's not now, that's all tomorrow. I'm off to he'd as I've got a 10am coffee date with the newest Mrs. Peters to look forward to.