When we exchanged rings, we hoped our family of two would grow.
It has, into a family of 4. We're just split in half.
Two of us walk the Earth while two of us fly in Heaven.

Wednesday, May 01, 2013

May

May is a tough month. It's Julia's due date on the 2nd and International Babyloss Mother's Day with my support group on the 3rd and world wide on the 5th, regular Mother's Day on the 12th. That is a loaded two weeks peeps. Lots of coffee coming my way to keep me amped up and able to deal with it all.

Tomorrow should be Julia's 4th birthday, instead Mama is having a Day Out. I am taking Julia Bear (my hot date) out and I'm spoiling myself. A badly needed haircut, overpriced coffee and a pastry at a cafe, a new lip color (heaven knows how long it's been since I changed colors!), a new book from the book shop (Arthurian chick lit? yes please!) and finding myself a new stylus for my phone. My old stylus has worn off the coating and doesn't work too well any more. I'll be tweeting my day with the tags #JuliaBear and #MamasDayOut if you want to follow along with me, @karadavies.

Normally I stay home on her due date but it doesn't feel right this year. I, a grown woman, am taking my teddy bear on a day out. I don't care one damn bit if people think it odd/weird/confusing that I'm dressed up in purple to match my daughter's bear. I don't care if they look twice at me in the hair salon or department store when she sits on the counter with my bag. I'm telling EVERYONE that tomorrow should have been my daughter's birthday but instead, for reasons unknown, she died early and was born on the 24th of November in 2008. I am a grieving mother and how I see fit to honor my children is up to me, not you. Go ahead, stare, look, snicker, I don't care. It's my baby girl's day and it is sacred. I'll honor her memory as I want to. She should be here, she should be four, she should be in matchy matchy outfits with me her Mama, she should be going out for the day, running "grown up/big girl" errands and being treated to babycinos and cookie at the cafe, even her own fancy hair wash and dry at the salon with me.
Julia Bear, my hot date in her fabulous purple party dress made by her Gramma Gillette.
Reposted wth permission from one of my support group mums.


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